"What does it mean to be powerful?" This is a question I see arising daily in my classroom. Today a mother asked me about the ratio of boys to girls in our class. "There are nine boys, and three girls" I told her. "Oh... [nodding her head] I thought so. Your room just seems to have that boy energy." While I tend not to put much stock in gender based categorizations, as my understanding of gender is that it is a non-binary social construct, what she said echoed assumptions that I have heard over and over. And it got me thinking. I'm assuming based on the behaviors that exist in my class at this moment that what this mother (and many other people I have talked to in the past) called 'boy energy' was most likely rambunctious and sometimes violent. This got me to thinking about the role of violent play in my classroom.
Over the past few days there have been many interactions that end with (both boys and girls saying) "well, then I'm going to shoot you!" When I hear children making statements such as this I don't go to a place of fear or anger but to a place of sadness. I wonder, "how powerless must someone feel to think that the only way they can get power in a situation is to threaten the use of violence toward the person with whom they have a conflict?" (granted most children don't have a firsthand knowledge of the real impact of shooting someone, which is why other threats like, "then you're not coming to my birthday party!" or, "fine! then you're not my friend!" to me have the same impact).
If this is the talk and energy that is being associated with boys, doesn't that tell us that our boys are feeling powerless? If so, I think we should be asking ourselves about the ways we can empower them. I feel that the traditional model of education and even the traditional response to the threat of shooting someone (which is usually in essence "threats aren't allowed, so you can't say that") does exactly the opposite*. By ignoring the underlying need to find power we doing children a disservice, and perpetuating their feeling of powerlessness. I'm wondering what opportunities, strategies, and examples we can offer of non-destructive ways for all children (because seeking power is not limited to one gender) to find the power they seek.
The research question in our classroom right now has to do with the power of friendship. I believe that there is power and bravery in kindness and in caring. I have found that often there is more strength in being a friend and in working with those with whom you disagree, than in overpowering someone physically or emotionally. When threatening and destructive statements run rampant (as they seem to be in my class right now) it seems to lead everyone to operate from a place of fear and defense. I have been asking myself, how can I help children make the shift between these two drastically different understandings of power? How do we as people grow into an understanding of the power of caring/being connected with someone else? How can I foster that within my classroom?
If this is the talk and energy that is being associated with boys, doesn't that tell us that our boys are feeling powerless? If so, I think we should be asking ourselves about the ways we can empower them. I feel that the traditional model of education and even the traditional response to the threat of shooting someone (which is usually in essence "threats aren't allowed, so you can't say that") does exactly the opposite*. By ignoring the underlying need to find power we doing children a disservice, and perpetuating their feeling of powerlessness. I'm wondering what opportunities, strategies, and examples we can offer of non-destructive ways for all children (because seeking power is not limited to one gender) to find the power they seek.
The research question in our classroom right now has to do with the power of friendship. I believe that there is power and bravery in kindness and in caring. I have found that often there is more strength in being a friend and in working with those with whom you disagree, than in overpowering someone physically or emotionally. When threatening and destructive statements run rampant (as they seem to be in my class right now) it seems to lead everyone to operate from a place of fear and defense. I have been asking myself, how can I help children make the shift between these two drastically different understandings of power? How do we as people grow into an understanding of the power of caring/being connected with someone else? How can I foster that within my classroom?
A glimpse into the classroom:
Three children (Sam, Joe, and Bill) are in the large motor space. Sam picks up a block, aims it at Joe and Bill and starts yelling "bam, bam, bam!" They start yelling for him to stop. Since they seem to be getting upset. I decide to intervene, telling Sam that guns aren't allowed at school(*as noted above I have mixed feelings about this response and as I say it I am in the process of thinking through other options) to which he replies,"It's not a gun. It's spraying gumballs."
I think for a minute... Realizing that my concern with "shooting" games is twofold. My first issue is that (in my experience) children use the "shooter" to overpower other children, which happens regardless of what is being "shot" (besides gumballs, I have heard of shooting fire, goo, candy, water, soap etc.) In my mind the intention of this game is to make someone else feel less powerful (or yourself feel more powerful) by using a weapon of some kind. My second concern with this game is the assaulting volume of "psh psh psh" or "bam bam bam!" sounds coming from the weapons. I also realize that if these concerns were not present, I actually wouldn't have a problem with stuff being shot, or children using guns.
"Okay Sam..." I say, "...but if you want to shoot Joe and Bill with gumballs you have to ask them first." He turns to Joe. "You want me shoot you with gumballs?" Joe thinks for a minute then responds, "Yeah!" Sam shoots him, and they both collapse on the floor laughing. Sam turns to me and asks, "can I shoot you?" I say, "sure." then when he shoots me I pretend to catch a gumball and eat it. Sam continues shooting and Joe and Bill begin pretending to collect gumballs.
It seems that when the shooter asks for permission (and respects the answer) the game changes from one of domination to one of invitation, joint understanding, and shared enjoyment. The other thing that changes is that when a child gives another child permission to say "no" they are actually giving them power rather than taking it away, and they discover that acceptance of a good idea can feel powerful as well.
So what:
It seems to me that if at a young age we empower children to find ways of feeling powerful in their own right, through use of real materials (see post soon to come on materials) and sharing power rather than through the use of threats, violence, coercion, and power-over others as adults they might feel more powerful and a stronger sense of connection with one another.
So what:
It seems to me that if at a young age we empower children to find ways of feeling powerful in their own right, through use of real materials (see post soon to come on materials) and sharing power rather than through the use of threats, violence, coercion, and power-over others as adults they might feel more powerful and a stronger sense of connection with one another.
